March 4, 2013 - The final missionary email....

So That's How It Ends.
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This has been anything but what I expected. It has been an emotional roller coaster, as I DID expect, but not necessarily the emotions that I felt. 

I don't want to do a daily "play-by-play" because I'm pretty sure those are boring for every body. But at the same time, I like talking about the things that go on that way, because it keeps my thoughts organized.

I'm going to jump ahead to Thursday. There was another little "fight" that resulted in just a melt down for me. Not out of anger it was just an onslaught of emotion. Thursday morning, aside from the frustration, I thought about the fact that I could have theoretically been on the plane heading home, since I originally was to return home on the 28th of February, and just a whole bunch of things. I realized I wasn't ready to go home that day, but at the same time I had wished it could just be over because I didn't know how to handle a certain situation any more. On top of all that I came to the realization of feeling that ending the mission, in certain aspects, is social life death. With some few exceptions (you know who you are), all of my friends are currently either on missions or in this one. (For lack of complicating things I will speak in the general)... all of my friends are still in this mission. I thought to myself, "Upon going home I will have so many new problems and challenges to confront without my "friends". After 2 years, I am officially accustomed to mission life, and not ready to face the changes that come to RM life. Furthermore thinking about some of the financial difficulties that I will be presented with..." and it was an emotional override. However... those feelings dissipated throughout the day as we just got to work. 

Tuesday we had a great lesson with Hna. Evelyn Guillermo. We went over the baptismal interview questions and talked about some of the baptismal interview questions and her over all preparation for Baptism. Dang it... I wish I could just talk about all that went on this week, but it just won't work.

What I want to tell you all is less about what I did this week, and more about how I felt.

I am grateful to have trained 5 missionaries... at least in part. When I started my mission, there were many things I wanted to do. Among all of these things, all but 1 came to pass, but it had nothing to do with me, and a lot more to do with what the Lord needed. Some of you may already know what that one thing was, for those of you who don't, we can talk in person. Looking back on my mission, I am proud of what I have done. There are some random days when I think about a few different things that keep me going. To my sister, one of the things that has helped in a few occasions is making sure I am the hero my little sister thinks I am. I know that to her, I am a best friend, a hero, a brother. If I know my little sister, like I know I do, I know she thinks I am the best missionary in the world. I may not fufill "the best", but I can make sure I make my little sister proud to know that THAT missionary was her big brother. I love you, Alexis.

Mom, the same can go for you.

For all those who don't know, the end of a mission is tough. There are so many things that you wish you could do. There can also be moments of inadequacy. Just know, it's not that you're inadequate. It's you feeling that you have honestly tried your best, and sometimes it's "not enough" for the world. After having grown so much, you would think that you can finally do "those things". Well, you can! But you have grown. You are doing your best. You can do those things. But there are more yet to come. President Spencer W. Kimball has a talk titled "Give Me This Mountain". We have mountains to climb, and they come from the Lord. You always are capable to climb your mountain. The higher, the harder. You have less air, it's not because you're tired, the atmosphere is less, it's a tougher environment. Just know that you HAVE grown stronger, that's why you are climbing so high. The terrain is rough, the summit is near. It's not a gradual incline to get to the top, it's a straight shot up. But just because it's UP, doesn't mean you GIVE up. What you do is GO UP. So go climb your mountain. Look out upon the majestic horizon and see the path of your ascent to know all that your Heavenly Father had in store for you to do. Hindsight is 20/20, and a mountain is nearly infinite. As you reach the top of your mountain, you will see the infinite blessings are Heavenly Father has had in store for you. 

This is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For 2 years I have testified to this fact. It is just that. Fact. My name is Andrew Anderson LaPray, and for 3 more days, I am a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I represent our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

Love,

Elder Andrew A. LaPray