I Know Who I Am

Hey! I've been back from Guatemala for two weeks now! Life has just flown by since I've been home. Parting with Elder Hill and Elder Pérez was a little more difficult than I had expected. Back on Tuesday, March 5th, we left Sayaxché for Santa Elena. We were waiting in the bus station for a while and getting together with all of the other missionaries to leave. Saying goodbye to Elder Hill was easily the hardest part. I know we were only companions for 13 weeks, but he truly became one of my best friends during those short weeks. When you have to be with someone literally 24/7 it will either drive you nuts, or he/she will become your best friend. For Elder Hill and I, it was the latter. 

Wednesday was full of movement! There was really no down time. My final interview with President Watts was just incredible. We talked about my 10 year goals, my character evaluation and dating. Since I have fairly solid goals, we did a lot more focusing on the dating scene. For a return missionary, marriage is the next big step (if he/she hasn't already begun college). I don't want to spill all the details to dating life, but it's a little like being a missionary. You have to know how to find people you would like to pursue. You need to know how to learn more about that person and show your interest in their lives and ultimately, make commitments. 

On Thursday morning we headed to the airport and on to the United States. I expected to be nervous. Coming home after two years is a big deal! There is a certain culture shock you expect, just like when you left. I was very relaxed and prepared throughout the three flights. Actually, in the first flight to L.A. one of my companions, Elder Miller, and I had the opportunity to share more about our beliefs with the man sitting next to us, then once again from L.A. to Salt Lake City. 

When I landed in Idaho Falls, I was slightly delayed leaving the plane, waiting for my carry-on bag, which seemed tortuous to my waiting family. When I stepped through the door, my four year old niece, Elliana, rushed to give her uncle a great big hug, followed next by my mother. It felt so good to hug my mother once again, and let her know how much I love and appreciate her though the simple act of a hug. Believe it or not, a simple hug says a lot. 

From the airport we went directly to the airport where I had an interview with President Arnoldson, who released me as a missionary. Throughout our conversation I could tell he knew something was different about me but that he was proud of my service as a missionary. I really did change a lot in Guatemala. I learned how to love more fully, how to serve, how to carry myself in foreign situations and other things without number. The moment arrived when President Arnoldson looked to me and said, "You can take of your name tag now." I glanced down at my name tag, clipped to the lapel of my suit. A flood of emotions came over me that I was not expecting. It was one of the most difficult things I have heard in my life. That name tag was, and always will be, a part of who I am. For two years I was a representative of four things and people. 1, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints 2, my family 3, me and 4, Jesus Christ. That is something I can never forget. I was sad to have to remove my name tag, something that set me apart from the world,  something that let me know who I truly was and am. However, I know who I am, with or without a name tag. I will always be that person. 

March 4, 2013 - The final missionary email....

So That's How It Ends.
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This has been anything but what I expected. It has been an emotional roller coaster, as I DID expect, but not necessarily the emotions that I felt. 

I don't want to do a daily "play-by-play" because I'm pretty sure those are boring for every body. But at the same time, I like talking about the things that go on that way, because it keeps my thoughts organized.

I'm going to jump ahead to Thursday. There was another little "fight" that resulted in just a melt down for me. Not out of anger it was just an onslaught of emotion. Thursday morning, aside from the frustration, I thought about the fact that I could have theoretically been on the plane heading home, since I originally was to return home on the 28th of February, and just a whole bunch of things. I realized I wasn't ready to go home that day, but at the same time I had wished it could just be over because I didn't know how to handle a certain situation any more. On top of all that I came to the realization of feeling that ending the mission, in certain aspects, is social life death. With some few exceptions (you know who you are), all of my friends are currently either on missions or in this one. (For lack of complicating things I will speak in the general)... all of my friends are still in this mission. I thought to myself, "Upon going home I will have so many new problems and challenges to confront without my "friends". After 2 years, I am officially accustomed to mission life, and not ready to face the changes that come to RM life. Furthermore thinking about some of the financial difficulties that I will be presented with..." and it was an emotional override. However... those feelings dissipated throughout the day as we just got to work. 

Tuesday we had a great lesson with Hna. Evelyn Guillermo. We went over the baptismal interview questions and talked about some of the baptismal interview questions and her over all preparation for Baptism. Dang it... I wish I could just talk about all that went on this week, but it just won't work.

What I want to tell you all is less about what I did this week, and more about how I felt.

I am grateful to have trained 5 missionaries... at least in part. When I started my mission, there were many things I wanted to do. Among all of these things, all but 1 came to pass, but it had nothing to do with me, and a lot more to do with what the Lord needed. Some of you may already know what that one thing was, for those of you who don't, we can talk in person. Looking back on my mission, I am proud of what I have done. There are some random days when I think about a few different things that keep me going. To my sister, one of the things that has helped in a few occasions is making sure I am the hero my little sister thinks I am. I know that to her, I am a best friend, a hero, a brother. If I know my little sister, like I know I do, I know she thinks I am the best missionary in the world. I may not fufill "the best", but I can make sure I make my little sister proud to know that THAT missionary was her big brother. I love you, Alexis.

Mom, the same can go for you.

For all those who don't know, the end of a mission is tough. There are so many things that you wish you could do. There can also be moments of inadequacy. Just know, it's not that you're inadequate. It's you feeling that you have honestly tried your best, and sometimes it's "not enough" for the world. After having grown so much, you would think that you can finally do "those things". Well, you can! But you have grown. You are doing your best. You can do those things. But there are more yet to come. President Spencer W. Kimball has a talk titled "Give Me This Mountain". We have mountains to climb, and they come from the Lord. You always are capable to climb your mountain. The higher, the harder. You have less air, it's not because you're tired, the atmosphere is less, it's a tougher environment. Just know that you HAVE grown stronger, that's why you are climbing so high. The terrain is rough, the summit is near. It's not a gradual incline to get to the top, it's a straight shot up. But just because it's UP, doesn't mean you GIVE up. What you do is GO UP. So go climb your mountain. Look out upon the majestic horizon and see the path of your ascent to know all that your Heavenly Father had in store for you to do. Hindsight is 20/20, and a mountain is nearly infinite. As you reach the top of your mountain, you will see the infinite blessings are Heavenly Father has had in store for you. 

This is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For 2 years I have testified to this fact. It is just that. Fact. My name is Andrew Anderson LaPray, and for 3 more days, I am a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I represent our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

Love,

Elder Andrew A. LaPray